The Adam experience was a rebirthing, the guide was the midwife. Several predicaments in my present life had moved me to seek therapy: my relationship with a black man, my demanding and time-consuming job, disappearing friendships, the fact that my family didn't seem to want to know me, a tumor that might require removal of my womb, and a weirdly irregular heartbeat.

Most of my life has been an enigma to me. I have never accepted my family as being related to me -- I never let my family be mine. I've rebelled, been wild, felt guilty, and punished myself, mostly with poor relationships. My friends find me surprising and complicated. I have always wondered what was wrong with me -- why didn't I fit?

The Adam experience provided answers to every question I asked. I began to see myself, to hold myself as a mother holds a baby, noticing both my love for her and how beautiful she is. I saw myself from the creator's eyes: beautiful, loving, striving, growing, and often bewildered. I listened to me. I listened to my Self talk to myself. I had been disconnected so long from my inner voice. Now I heard comfort, praise, and love. I was amused with my confusion, but I was tender and forgiving towards myself. I got encouragement and advice. Clearly, unmistakenly, permanently I felt: I AM GOOD.

The answers and advice were marvelous. As I brought up each incident that bothered me, the undisclosed aspects of those enigmatic incidents turned out to be things I had forgotten about: what 1 had done that provoked them, the ways I had behaved, and the thoughts and decisions I had made which cut me off from the people I loved. I watched my part in why my life unfolded the way it did. Things had unfolded as natural consequences of my choices in each situation. I forgave myself and others for our natural responses to the situations we found ourselves in.

Next, I wanted to know what I could do about it all now. I saw scenes of me speaking what my heart has to say, and making peace with my Mom, Dad, sister, brother, boss, co-workers, and each of my friends.

I saw how truly I love my partner I asked how my parents could accept him and be glad for me. I saw what to do and what to say. I saw our wedding in the home where we live together now, and I heard what my wedding vows would be.

All my failures were results of me trying to express my love. Failing doesn't mean that I am bad, or not good enough; it doesn't mean something is wrong with me, or that I should be punished.

For instance, I have been terrified of bearing children. I realized I was afraid God would punish me by giving me a deformed child for the "unforgivable" things I have done. It dawned on me that even if I did have a deformed child, it would be because that child would need the depth of love I am able to give, not because I should be punished.

I even was shown that my body could shrink the fibroid tumor I have. I saw my cells linking arms, as men carrying comrades off a battlefield, carrying out the cells of the tumor. The tumor has been shrinking!

The Adam experience is love. Knowing love. Experiencing love. I flow from the very source of love! A perfection in "things as they are was revealed. I began appreciating myself, my circumstances, and the people in my life. Confusion dissolved. I felt at peace. Things seemed to fall naturally into priorities proper to the value of life. Life owned fulfilling quality. I felt blessed. In a state of Grace, Pure and sinless.

I learned that indeed, I am a healer, a gift to this troubled universe.

Such enormously powerful lessons and answers. Such remarkable revisions of myself. I didn't want to forget anything -- could I lose touch with this insight? I was given four "signs" to remember by:

When I hold my left hand in my right hand, palms up, I will remember my precious heart, to be easy on it. I will remember the preciousness of all humans, to be easy on them, and to share love. I do this often when I am with people, particularly if anyone is upset.

When I cup a hand over an ear, I remember to listen to my Self. This is helpful when I am confused, or distressed.

I cross my hands over my chest to remind my heart to beat one beat. It gives me courage when I am hesitant.

I bring my palms together in praying mode to remember to be humble, to accept what is needed and let go of my stubborn willfullness. It helps me remember that it will work out better to flow with the way things are, with God's plans.

Adam is a gift, a blessing, a "sacred medicine," as my guide referred to it. It is soft. It is truth. It is love. It is grace. Adam had a wholly positive influence on how I live and how I feel about life.

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