Ingestion of two white capsules at timed intervals...waiting...feel sensation of flotation and upliftment. Look at light fixture on ceiling... sudden rush of powerful energy and giant Presence; awed by the constant and immense sensation of an immovable force; choir of voices; the light fixture changes into a multi-layered mandala; face is a series of energy patterns shifting into varied mandalas of a kaleidoscopic nature.... Realization that everything and everyone is a living mandala; awed by the experience; sensation of being within multilayered patterns of energy that were constant change...constant change...but always beautiful, subtle, varied...simultaneously form, but not form.

      Awareness that this must be what heaven is really like...see globe on table...'heaven on earth'...everything is on earth...heaven is on earth...moved by the wonder of it. No words in heaven...everything is beautiful, true, compassionate, loving, growing, changing, within this giant, constant, powerful presence. No words...too many needless words...power of the non-verbal touches me; I desire only to hum or listen to the grandeur of silence.

      I am a giant, it is a giant; everything and everyone is a giant. My body is so small in comparison with what I am...tiny hands...tiny feet... just seems that way...a reminder of the power of the inner bodies; power of the spirit; power of formless form...great presence, beautiful spirit, eternal Immortal. Ancient hands, baby hands, giant hands...fascinated by my hands...feeling of a giant walking within a doll's house. Sudden realization of the meaning of the '901 mythology...the lantern being the instrument of seemingly small vessel for the giant Spirit that is always within and a constant resource, guide, nonjudging facilitator...constant presence, immovable force. The term down-pour of energy has new meaning... no words; just PRESENCE. I'm in heaven...wonderful, beautiful, glorious heaven.

      Feel like hair is changing into feathers; hear hair growing; amazed at the civilization of vibrant life in my hair; hair changes again into feathers; feel a bird coming out of my head...a hummingbird. Thought: maybe my tumor was just a hummingbird waiting to be freed. Just then, he asks about my health...hear cracking of ice; something feels cracking in my legs; something pops in head. CONNECTIONS, connections.... Trying to take care of relatives, taken it all too far; take in too much; too extreme; too much the comforter, supporter, caretaker.... Disease with both extremities...leg, an extremity; head an extremity; hummingbird head; cracking-ice leg...polarities, opposites, dualities, paradoxes. TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH, TOO LONG. All not important, doesn't seem to matter...

             What is purpose?
             Purpose is not tied to achievement;
             purpose is not TIED to anything.
                                  Purpose is being like presence...
                                  purpose is bringing light and love into
                                  every situation...with great PRESENCE.
                                  Be present.  New meaning for I'm here;
                                  I am present. I am a present.
                                  We are all presents; we are all presents!
             Union, balance, absence of polarities...
                                  absence and presence
                                  Spirit never absent.

      Decide that this is a good time to call up all my emotional images...one by one I select all the things that have activated me recently...reminded that it's all theater; can't get upset no matter how hard I try; state of great indifference. Images say what if B and F live together and have children...find myself happy that he's happy; feel close to him; great bond; deep love; great friend; can't get upset; what is there to be upset about; all ego and yet ego can't get upset; everything all right...we're great old friends; deep love; no reason to be upset; we love each other; no one can alter that; only add... everything adds; no anger; no betrayal; old patterns... no need to continue them. Amazed that I'm not getting upset...maybe I have worked through more than I thought...grateful, relieved, content, and great feeling of contentment, unflappability, objectivity...all of it just theater...no tragedies...just presence, light, power...presence, acceptance, compassion, trust...great friend -- ancient love. Everything is all right. Can't get upset...such indifference from an objective place. Experience detachment...so this is detachment. Why have I been so upset in the past? Old patterns, old memories, old plays.

      Strong sense that my head is expanding...feel like there's a small tree in my head. R must see the tree.... I am a tree and he sees it. Tree in my head expands...branches in my head and arms; torso becomes trunk; legs and feet become roots. Legs/roots...tumor/legs/roots; branches/head/tumor...leg/roots...head/branches...combination of old/roots and new/branches ...attempting to integrate old and new; ancient and modern; past and present. I'm in a season...no, two seasons at once: Spring and Fall...growing and letting go simultaneously.

             accept
                     acceptance
                               no problems

                                                everyone is a tree
                                                         everything is theatre
                                                                   different acts
                                                                                different seasons
             no exceptions
             only acceptance!

             No words
             Be present...original present

       Take this perspective with you...just be an objective observer with all of my presence. Embarrassed by how much power I have given to what doesn't really matter. Re-focus, re-align, re-adjust back to Self. Image of dragon going to chiropractor flashes before me; I was borm in the year of Dragon. Inner chiropractor is aligning the central axis and my inner levels or bodies fall into place. Smiling Dragon.

       Look at my arms, hear the hair growing on my head; skin filled with copper...copper swirls; close eyes...cells, organs, centers, everything filled with copper patterns and spirals...everything is copper. Taste metal...strong metallic taste; is this the mineral kingdom in the body?... Beautiful, luxurious copper. Magnificent.

       Life, civilizations in the body...alive, vibrant, copper! healing copper...feel warm currents of energy; melting sensation; fire...small fires in the body; bonfires...feel like a furnace. Dragon furnace; Copper Dragon... fire breathing Dragon! Solar Plexus furnace...copper furnace...the solar plexus is a copper furnace. Healing furnace...healing copper.

       It's all theater...I sat under a tree with a Genii who released the hummingbird that sang to the Dragon in the Doll's house that was made from copper. Everything is a mandala, and heaven is on earth. Great presents on earth: purpose, presence, acceptance, and love. Earth is Eden, and Adam is within.

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