Question posed. I feel a natural evolution of love, integrity, creativity, and power. What is my way to right action in balancing the personal and transpersonal dimensions?

Body: a feeling of evenness. Calm anticipation. Then contraction and expansion. Imagery: a flower and a stone. I'm falling through space. My left side is a large stone out of which an enormous flower blooms on the right side. The flower acts like a parachute.

Body: warmth starting up legs through pelvic bowl. Imagery: I am the earth. Body feels as long as the earth. Head is the North Pole. Sun shines and warms entire body except North Pole (head). Does the earth feel this too?

(Music: "Timewind," by Klaus Schulze.) Image of wind whipping around me. Cutting through something on the diagonal. Feel like a mummy being unwrapped. Body energy and awareness increase.

Suddenly a huge trumpet flower emerges out of the equator of my earth body (navel) and reaches up far into space.

Wind sounds feel cool and draw my attention to the North Pole. Ice and snow. Energy forms that look like transparent comets whirl around at high speed. They have a numinous quality. Raindrops form from these energy entities. Fall to earth and become crystals in a cavern in the earth.

I am aware that life is formed in the wind. These energy forms feel like basic life (breath). They seem to be Spirit, travelling at high speed. This Spirit is apparently the essential truth that we experience once we leave our bodies. This Spirit appears to be what energy is between lives: invisible, yet, in a numinous, way, present

I asked my guide to read the "Emerald Tablet" of Hermes Trismegistos: "... The father thereof is the Sun; the mother is the moon; it was carried in the womb by the Wind; the Earth is the nurse. It is the father of all works of wonder throughout the world."

Little wind spirit relaxes and becomes a raindrop. Raindrop falls to earth, slows down in this touching, and becomes crystal. Shifting vibrational speed manifests all things.

The guide suggests that I tune into the earth's axis. When I do, I feel the earth's etheric bodies. Body/Mind/Spirit move into hovering space. I refocus on the floor of the crystal cavern at the North Pole.

Clear and definite image and feeling of an Animal Spirit to my upper right. A black panther encased in sandstone, Egyptian stone guardian , sitting proudly, with dignity. There is a certain stillness in that dark power. The guide suggests the stone image is just one manifestation: "Look into its essence." I see the stone outer cat serves as a container, a cocoon. This reminds me of my own body, and though it serves as a vessel for Spirit, it's important to watch for rigidity and fixed notions and viewpoints. Stone statue's name is I-You, which speaks of this ego-skin between self and other. On the other hand, the essential life inside this skin speaks of being true, direct, moving with spontaneity and unselfconscious passion.

The guide suggests I move inside form. My body experiences heavier energy coming in on the right side. My guide invites my feminine side to open to receive.

Image of a black warrior with a rainbow extending out of his head, starting to enter my body on the right side. Feels like too much power. Immediately an image emerges of a black man and a white lotus. This white lotus fills my vision. It is incredibly beautiful, with 1000 petals. It floats over a pool of water, never stopping. It is roofless, yet it is sustained by something. The image evokes a quality of the Form and Formless. I later see that its roots are grounded in the Formless.

I look at a picture of a strong black woman, well grounded and balanced. She has a lithe, solid body, and is wearing a lavender dress. Her face is hidden behind a crystal veil. She stands in the rain near a lagoon. In her hands is a large straw broom, and she seems to be sweeping with much determination.

I experience a deep sense integration, feminine strength, and fullness. Lavender is the color of a warrior. The contrasting colors of black and lavender represent to me the dense and the subtle. I feel enlivened and awake and right when I look at this picture, because it is a way of synthesizing the male and female energies. The panther and black warrior energies are incorporated in a form that fits for me. The act of sweeping is a metaphor for a style of clearing in my healing work: caring, cleansing, clearing.

Image of mouth flying open: awe, shock, no sound. I have no idea where this image/sensation comes from. Image of me as a baby in a crib, my cries unanswered. Feeling alone. Strong impression of being outdoors under an enormous black sky, experiencing vast space and distance from the shimmering stars. Alone, crying out into vast emptiness.

On the psychodynamic level, from the feeling of aloneness, I developed an attitude of "I'll do it myself I won't let you help me. I'll take care of myself, because I know you need a mother more than me. I'm more in touch with my own wisdom."

Developing a stance of independence. Giving more than receiving. I see that I continually need to practice reaching out and asking for what I need. The reaching out is definitely harder for me. Aware of being more a rock in the stream, defined by many who want something from me. I am practicing being the stream and flowing and reaching for those I want to be with.

I become aware of tension in back of neck and along jawbones. Holding back and controlling my responses. Seems to be some psychodynamic clearing. Some question about fear of sexual surrender. Although I've opened to a far deeper place of surrender at this point, there is past memory of confusion and fear. Not deep sexual fear, but rather confusion about being seen as too powerful to be given to (as a healer), yet seeing myself to be in part a needing woman.

My guide asks "Are not both true?" Yes. My concern: if I surrender sexually, or if I fall in love, I fear I will lose my power. I saw my needing as vulnerability and weakness. In the past this has been true. I still need to clear past conditioning on this. I'm caught in a collective feminine notion about giving over to a man, which doesn't seem to further relationships in the 80's. How sex role behavior patterns hold on!

The guide suggests a redefinition of the feminine/receptive to include reaching out. Simple sentences, such as, "I need you to be with me and share sexually. I want to be with you. I want time and space to enjoy you. These are my needs and wants..." etc. Bringing these essential things into my being brings me into balance and harmony. This, for me, is a bowing in respect to all chakra energies, and acknowledging that all are open, are functioning correctly.

The day following the Adam session, I worked with my therapist to see more deeply into the nature of the crying baby. Uncovered an incident with my mother which cleared easily. Found an earlier incident related to birth trauma of being born feet first and almost suffocating as head came through the birth canal. Experienced blank space/black space, something I've never felt before. Seems linked with anesthesia given to my mother, combined with her fear of death. Apparently Adam kicked off a sensation of this. This work is in progress.

An incredibly fine experience for me on many levels. R, your willingness to guide me through this touched me. The direct experience of Energy, Life, the Earth, first human life, the 1000 petal lotus is precious to me. The images are rich and clear. The assimilation and reintegration of male-female, animal-flower symbols and emotions is an empowering experience for me. I am surprised the psychodynamics all poured out. So be it.

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