Here I go, plunging forward through something I don't really like to do -- and yet I know with surety how important it is for me to look at where there is resistance.

I felt extremely peaceful, all of me just being with whatever came up -- a real lack of self-consciousness. I liked being so completely that way. Gentle. Slow. It was a gift to myself being that way. It was also a gift being with my wonderful friend that way. I trusted that I could be me.

I liked having the eye shades on. I liked going in. As soon as it was on I was reminded of my first acid trip when I closed my eyes and wouldn't open them for a long time. On acid I had sunk into my grief over my dead son. This time I started to cry, and I felt wonderful crying. I felt my guide might stop me from crying so I said that I was fine, that I felt good, that I needed to do this, that I felt in touch this way, and that it has been a long time. It was wonderful being together with him.

I loved the music right off. I just went away on it -- expansive. I wanted music that I could go along with. I just lay until I was moved to speak -- slowly. I liked going at that pace. I'd love to always move and be that way. It was good for me to experience myself that way. A good reminder. I've intentionally slowed myself a number of times since then, in acts like brushing my teeth, doing little regular acts. I realize I hurry and there's a level of tension. Then I catch myself and take better care of myself, slow down, and feel great that I did that.

I remember feeling that my life felt very much in order for the most part. I feel like acknowledging some people, like Werner Erhard -- really for his level of going for it.

I felt very loving. Also with my mother, which is not an easy relationship. I genuinely wanted to hear how and what she felt about hunger, nuclear issues, and like that. I was aware that I just wanted to hear without judging or making her wrong, that I could hear whatever she had to say without there being any tension in my body. I felt very good about that, Dear Mom!

I held my face between my hands as if I were someone else, my lover, holding it. It was a very interesting and enjoyable experience. It felt so small to me. (People have always said that I have a small face).

I remember being overwhelmed by the incredibleness of this planet and really wanting people to stop and get it. Then there wouldn't be even the possibility of destroying it.

I remember my teeth really chattering. I've never experienced that before. I liked it. I could stop it. I did want to be in control!

My picture of myself is changing. Let through the new me -- whatever that happens to be at any given moment. I feel I need to meditate and I intend to make that a part of my daily life again. I've done a number of the items I said I would already. I feel good doing what I said Id like to. I feel powerful making it happen.

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