Whatever I can say now only dimly reflects my meeting with myself under Adams influence. These phrases and ideas from the transcript remind me of some of the highlights:

There's an opening that wasn't there before....

It's clear that everything I'm about, and everybody is about, is just loving God, and how to do that....

Guide: Does this remind you of your previous psychedelic experience?

Answer This is quite different. Much more important. Much more personal, much more relevant. Much easier to carry back and to apply. I've got so much love and compassion that attaches itself to anything in the vicinity and tries to make it seem appropriate. That's when I forget that what I'm all about is loving God -- then I try to put too much into any relationship.

There are still levels of integration to do around sexuality.... There's a real confusion of some kind...a real split.... Now I'm listening to my inner voice -- usually I tend to avoid it.... Sex can be a way to get closer to God, but I haven't been choosing in such a fashion that it's going to be.... It's been very helpful to be celibate because I can see so much more clearly and easily where my sexual energy goes, where my attractions are.

What is the source of my arthritis? Blocked energies. I need to get in touch with what I want, and let the knowledge lubricate my joints: no more stoppage of anger or love. Let it all flow through!

Guide: So love lubricates the joints!

Material about a sexual molestation incident -- first reported during a hypnosis session several weeks ago -- has had much more meaning for me since I heard the tape of the Adam session. In it I sounded like I was seven years old. The impact comes from the deep recognition of how many ways the event molded my responses to the world around me, in part because of the distrust of my parents that was focused by the incident. Reliving this incident helped to free up my energy and emotions in a number of ways; it feels like this process will be ongoing for some time to come. The understanding and resolving of this incident is not only helpful to me personally; it can be a vehicle for my reaching out to others with similar experiences.

In general, my journey with Adam affirmed who I am, what I am doing, where I am going. The affirmation was experienced through an opening of my heart rather than as a deepening of intellectual understanding, although some of that has also occured.

The Adam, the set, the setting, and the invaluable input and support of the therapist/guide created a sense of receptivity, wonder, love, and joy. In this set and setting, with empathy for all aspects of life, learning took place whose content was easily and deeply received. My desire to access such learning is great, in part because recalling these lessons elicits the highly desirable state of consciousness in which the learning occurred. The content itself also seems to take on a certain desirability, making it more readily available than much that I have learned under more traditional circumstances. Just writing about the state now, almost a week later, still brings back the sense of wonder, love, and joy that I felt at the time.

My mind tends to scurry about, trying to give form to some of the issues that were raised on the trip, but which still seem incomplete. These include a deeper understanding of my confusion about/dissatisfaction with past relationships, sexual matters, use of alcohol, and future plans for my internship, dissertation, and profession. Despite the attention that these topics get, I am for the most part holding them lightly. I have a clear sense that my journey with Adam is far from over: much is being considered and reflected upon below the surface of my conscious awareness. To the extent that I have addressed these concerns I am very well satisfied with the understandings I have reached.

My actions as well as my attitudes have begun to shift in certain areas. I am able to perceive, receive, and respond to love in a much more open way than I did a few weeks ago. There is a greater ease with respect to my dealing with and responding to my sexual energy. I seem to find it much easier to contact my feelings and, as appropriate, to express them.

Perhaps the most important after-effect has been the indwelling experience of affirmation about what I am doing. There is a sense of correctness; even when feeling muddled and unclear about what is happening, I know at a very deep level that I am moving in the right direction. However dark the path, however many shadows may appear, there is a light within me that provides warmth, illumination, and nourishment. My awareness of this indwelling light and my increased clarity of my sense of purpose has been greatly enhanced by my experience with Adam.

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