At the beginning of the Adam experience there was the usual dance, but the visuals were far less. Then deep breathing began. My experience of this was far deeper and more prolonged than before. Then I began something that might be called "toning" ; this was a new experience. I would sing one low tone for what seemed an interminable time. I can remember feeling this vibration in my solar plexus and in my abdomen. I then sang another note which was higher, again for a very long time, and again part of my body resonated to this vibration. This time it was my solar plexus and heart.

Then the song began. At first it was similar to an American Indian chant, although it was more lyrical; then it became more like a mediaeval minstral, or the song of a troubador; then it had the feeling of some Middle Eastern place. Finally the song became English and it was a love song to the Earth: both the planet and my body. Magma, fire, and earth were the elements emphasized, and they seem to be the most operative elements in me. Magma is the conjunction of the opposites fire and earth. When I think about this, I see the Sun and the Earth. It is as though fire represents spirit, as in the Holy Spirit, and tongues of fire. Incidentally, my favorite holy day, Pentecost Sunday, the descent of the Holy Spirit, was celebrated the following day.

After the song, the image of the key came up. There was a discussion of responsibility (ability to respond) and my feelings about my body. My sense of responsibility has been excessive and burdensome. The key is a key and a lock, which unlocks the separation of spirit and body, allowing God to come in through the whole body. It is also the symbol of Osiris, the djed pillar. At this point, after tracing the symbol of my body, I felt the heat coming up my back for the first time.

When the guide adjusted my hands so that my arms were perfectly crossed over my chest, I saw a golden green casket in the form of a sarcophagus. I realized that I have been trapped in that casket almost all of my life -- in the sarcophagus of excessive responsibility and other programmings. In effect, in many ways, I have been dead. Also, I have given pieces of myself away, scattered like Osiris; and I have lost my phallus to the crocodiles, my shadow symbol. I have seen the body and sex especially as unpleasant, disturbing, an experience to be avoided. It is also as though I'm waiting for an Isis (Aphrodite, Ishtar, Astarte) to make a golden phallus for me, to help me transmute my ideas and experience of sex and of the body.

Then I became extremely hot and I saw my flesh melting away, leaving bare bones that also melted away (this sequence was in bright colors). It was then that I felt that I was cosmic orgasm. I was "nothing and everything." I was united with everything. The melting of the body seems to be the melting of old forms within the body, samskaras. After this, I felt free and released.

When I was dissolving I saw a huge vortex moving into itself like a wave breaking. The vortex covered my whole visual space. It was of pastel colors, pale blue, pink, and lavender, and it seemed to have a texture with it. At the same time I felt that I was the vortex. I was neither going into the vortex nor going out of it -- I was turning into myself. This was a most sensuous experience. Yet sensuousness does not come close to describing this experience. What come to mind is that this is the experience of pure consciousness and of energy merging. This was a creation, a cosmic orgasm.

The guide asked me, "Who are you?" My response, after a long pause and in a voice that I could not possibly recognize, was "I am the one and only." My associations to this are that the Monad is the ultimate god from which everything emanates. My feeling is that of an extraordinary primal being.

I seemed to continue to work with this. Next I said, "I am the King of the Dance." I again had a feeling for this but concepts and words were hard to find. The obvious relationship is the "healing dance" I do in these sessions. The healing dance is the result of the release of energies, the dissolving of energy blocks so that perhaps in some way I can heal through these energies.

Finally, I said, "This is the most egotistical statement: I am God." At some levels I know and accept that I am God, but the negative programming, ego, etc., always pop in to hinder this being completely actualized. Some part of me will not let myself become enlightened.

Immediately after I said that I was God, I had an image of three necklaces. All three formed circles, one raised above the other. I couldn't see what the topmost necklace was made of, because all that I could see was a brilliant, clear light. The second was made of brilliant rainbow lights, but the third was made of intricately and ornately designed purple stones. To me this seems to be a visualization of the three statements of "who are you?" The uppermost one of brilliant white or clear light is the "I am the one and only." The second brilliant rainbow seems to relate to "I am the King of the Dance" and the purple stones relate to "I am God, the Self."

I had an image of a giant and beautiful vagina in the sky. My previous image of the vagina was as a huge black hole that could suck me in. Ibis relates to the "open womb," the fear of being sucked back into a state of undifferentiation, the mother complex, etc. The vagina in this session was beautiful, it was of luscious pink, orange, and red colors. It glistened and had pearly drops of moisture on it. Somehow I relate its shape to a heart and I relate it to the painting of Venus rising from the sea, standing upon an iridescent seashell. My head is drawn to it when I look at it and it is exciting. The idea of oral sex had always been revolting to me before, but not now.

I am fire and earth. My spirit is fire, inspirational, intuitional, father fire. My body is earth, material, sensory, maternal earth. The two together are magma, explosive and powerfully moving, the center of earth existence and the center of my existence. It is my heart where the spirit and body meet. My heart is magma -- the love energy that attracts and acts, the love energy that cannot be stopped, that reshapes the earth, that will not change from its course. It is a power that transforms.

Creation is a continuing cosmic orgasm. Creation does not mean coming from nothing, rather it is the continuous outpouring of the "One and Only." It is the expansion of the "one and only" into consciousness and energy. It is the continuous embrace of Shiva-Shakti, both as one and two. As one and as two it is ecstasy. This continuous cosmic embrace and ecstasy are continuously reenacted, echoed between lovers and by one who loves himself. The realized one, or saint, is always in this cosmic embrace.

Love is not a burden. Love is lightness, joy. The experience that I have had of love is that it is heavy, it is difficult, it is painful, it has meant responsibility, it has meant taking care of someone. All of that has burned away and these things are not the essence of love. Love is a spontaneous outpouring and a spontaneous reception. It is delight, play. It is not entrapment, but freedom. It is the freeing of my Self.

The feeling of freedom (being out of the Osiris casket) and of being together (parts reassembled) continues. I now realize that I can do almost anything I want -- I can freely respond to situations and circumstances. The constrictions I felt before are no longer around.

The greengold casket was transmuting, just as the training in "responsibility" has been preparing me for the ability to respond. The demands that have been made upon me, which in many cases I have blindly accepted, have developed in me the capacity to respond. Now this ability to respond is detached from the programming, and I am really free to use this ability.

During the ketamine session I had the experience of being a totally clear observer of what was happening. I also felt completely stable. The two together seemed to be an experience of enduring absolutely pure consciousness.