What is the experience like? I address this by describing what my partner and I do. Mainly we sit on the floor facing each other and gazing into each others' eyes -- MDMA is the eye contact drug. Physical contact is also maintained, so we have eye contact, hand holding, gentle caressing of hair and face. Skin surfaces and hair feel incredibly soft (a feeling that persists well beyond the four hours). One is impressed with the preternatural beauty of one's partner. No one has ever been so fine, delicate, exquisite, or full; the sense is that she is all and everything. "I have been looking all my life for you."

I believe that the love experience on MDMA is the Divine Love spoken of by the saints. There is suddenly an openness to giving and receiving unconditional care and adoration, one feels privileged and blessed, nor do one's ordinary fears and defenses rise to quelch these powerful positive feelings. Without question the experience is powerfully intense -- powerful, but unlike the overwhelming experiences on LSD or mescaline.

This intense love for one's partner leads naturally and immediately into sexual areas. I desire to undress myself and to have my partner similarly unclothed. I enjoy touching my own genitals and having them touched, and I enjoy touching my partner's. But all of this seems to be an aspect of a greater love, and the genital contact has a charge that is little different in character and degree from an exchange of glances or a facial caress. The world, too, is observed as clear and profoundly present -- here and now, in Gestalt parlance. A color slide of a wall whose paint is peeling appears stunningly beautiful, as though seen for the first time.

One night my partner and I held each other while we watched the full moon rise over the ocean and reflect on the waves. We experienced closeness while we experienced the wonder of the world. In my experience, sexual consummation -- that is, orgasm -- is impossible until the end or slightly after the MDMA experience. If a distinction can be made between love and sex, MDMA is a love drug, and not a sex drug. This fact, taken along with its raw power suggests that one would not want this experience with everyone, and one would not want it every day. Experiences of this significance require time to digest, so intervals of two weeks or more between experiences seem appropriate, the positive nature of the experiences notwithstanding. As this is a drug that feels sacred, one does not want to profane it by mundane usage.

Further comments are called for on the interactive qualities of MDMA, particularly on the verbal level. Conversation emerges spontaneously and comfortably from the contact and closeness. My partner and I were able to express total love for each other, and the level of articulation is reminiscent of classical love poetry: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou...." The accumulated grievances of a stormy five-year relationship paled into insignificance. We didn't forget them, indeed we talked freely about them. Yet the unpleasant memories, the laundry list of hurts, had no charge; it was just so much data, like yesterday's weather. And most touching of all are the expressions of gratitude for the gift of this beautiful life and for each other. It is this receptivity and appreciativeness that Catholic mystics call Grace.

A handful of MDMA experiences have saved my relationship. My partner and I had actually broken up, in each others' and in the world's eyes (an announcement had been made). We had been falling apart despite our love for each other, a rich family life, and an adored infant child. Under the MDMA we reconnected with our mutual caring and love, with what was important to us, and with the place of our love in the larger religious and spiritual nature of things. The lessons we learned carried well past the drug session. We have a look that we give each other that instantly takes us back to the caring place. The MDMA experiences are centerpieces of our common mythology, they are shared peak experiences. Sex is better than before.